Selfies (November 22-December 21) – The sign of You, a water sign. Not this person, who is content to never see another human again. Standing in line and speaking to people is for suckers and the elderly, and maybe elderly suckers. The online shopper knows what they want and knows how to get it and also knows putting pants on is not necessary. Online Shopper (October 23-November 21) – The sign of Amazon, an earth sign. Like all new apps, those under the Cool New App sign are life-altering and indispensable for up to a week, after which time, that drops down to maybe a 10% likelihood of ever being useful again. This Cool New App (September 23-October 22) – The sign of Fun New Tech, an earth sign. Emojis are unpredictable and can go from crying to laughing to an eggplant that's standing in for a penis at the drop of a hat. Memes must therefore make an impression as quickly as possible, because it's all they have.Įmojis (August 23-September 22) – The sign of the Range of Human Experience, a fire sign. They are quick to change and easily forgotten, only to be brought up again right around New Year's Eve for one last hurrah before fading into obscurity forever. Memes (July 23-Aug 22) – The sign of The Times, an air sign. They don't have time to learn your name but they at least put forth the effort to ask. Starbucks (Jun 21 – Jul 22) – The sign of the Pricey Beverage, a water sign. OBJECTIFICATION Hot 24-year-old millennial would appreciate if you'd stop staring at her personal brand
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